mother holding infant
Archive, Newborn, Pregnancy

5 “Truths Of Motherhood” That Were Completely Useless

When I was 8 months pregnant with my first child, Bean, I was simultaneously excited and nervous. I had no idea how I was going to raise a child. Even now, there are days I am barely able to care for myself. Friends, family, and even strangers you meet in the grocery store try to give you advice about what to expect and most of them have good intentions. Yet, nothing quite beats experiencing the truths of motherhood firsthand.

There are thousands of articles out there about the “truths of motherhood,” or “things they don’t tell you about pregnancy.” I’ve read tons of them, but none of them have ever really come close to an accurate description of reality. In fact, it’s fair to say nothing really prepared me for the scope of the situation. So, here are 5 things that everyone seems to hell bent on preaching, but really do a terrible job of describing motherhood.

tired mom laying in bed
Photo by Kinga Cichewicz on Unsplash

You Will Be Tired:

This one is so irritating because it just does not really encompass the scope of the situation. You will not only be tired, you will be utterly exhausted. You will be delirious some days to the extent that you do ridiculous things like leave your car keys in the freezer, or wear two different shoes the ENTIRE day before someone actually points out it out to you (because of course you never even noticed)…only to do it again the next day.

Some days, you will seriously weigh out the pros and cons of peeing in the bed because mustering up enough energy to get out of the bed will seem almost impossible.

When someone tells you to sleep when baby sleeps, you will feel like roundhouse kicking them in the throat. However, you will refrain because you don’t even have the energy to wear real shoes with laces much less do any real physical harm.

You will fall asleep every time you sit in a chair. EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. Without fail.

You will finally understand all those women who murder their husbands while they sleep because he has the audacity to snore. When you tell him sweetly that you will smother him with a pillow if he doesn’t roll the $%^@ over, he will lie and say he wasn’t asleep. It’s unbelievable I managed to hold on to any sort of sanity.

The point is, you will be tired, but this is one of those “truths of motherhood” that is just stupid and annoying to hear.

woman measuring waist

You Will Still Have Some Extra Weight After The Birth

This is one of those truths of motherhood that angered me beyond words because of how woefully lacking it is. Yes, you will have some extra weight after birth… and for the rest of your natural life! Whoever said “some” or “a little” is out of their damned mind. You will look like a giant deflated balloon.

You’re larger chest size will eventually return to normal. Unfortunately, it will come with all the perks of gravity to “bring you down.” Don’t let all those people out there kid you. You will not “learn to love your new body.” Nor will you think it “represents all the glory of womanhood” or some such BS. You will go through a serious crisis about your looks and agonize over your “transformation” before finally giving up in disgust.

Immediately following is the reluctant acceptance of your “new” self, and a systematic breaking all of the body length mirrors in your home. When your small child tells you they love you because you’re all “squishy” you will laugh outwardly while curling up into a little pitiful ball of tears on the inside. But hey, you’ve got some rocking maternity jeans you can still wear, so woo.

hair loss in hairbrush

You May Lose Some Hair After Birth, But Don’t Worry It Will Grow Back

I’ll admit, I thought this was one of the truths of motherhood that I would get to skip out on. I didn’t start losing my hair until 4 months postpartum. Then I lost ALMOST ALL OF IT. You don’t just lose some hair. Your bed looks like a rats nest with all the hair you lost while you slept. After you clean that up, you will go brush your hair to discover 2 hairbrushes full of loose hair and a pile of it in the floor, under your feet.

During the day, you will find it all over your clothing and in your car…And all of this will continue DAILY until you begin to question if you will have any left. The bald spots will start peeking out on the crown of your head. For me, it lasted until I finally quit breastfeeding at 9 months.

Then, once you think it’s all over and things may finally return to normal, it starts growing back. I know you’re thinking, “Hey, that’s a good thing,” but you fail to understand. It will grow back gray. I swear, like all of it. Gray. It will also stick up awkwardly for MONTHS because it’s not long enough to lay neatly with the rest of your hair. Also, since it’s gray, it’s broken and coarse anyway, so it may never lay down flat again. Jury is still out on this one.

male and female couple hiding under covers

You May Experience Some Discomfort During Sex

Unfortunately, this is one of those truths of motherhood that nobody wants to talk about. If someone does talk about it, it’s always a gross misrepresentation of reality.

So, let me clarify it for you. You WILL experience GREAT pain in your lady bits even after you’re all healed and everything is in working order. While nothing compares to the pain of labor, it’s incredibly difficult to enjoy having sex when it freaking hurts.

On top of the pain is a reduced sex drive (thank you hormones). This lasts pretty much until you’re done being a milk buffet for your spawn. It’s worse for those of you who also suffered reduced drive during pregnancy. Then it could be upwards of 18 months before you even think about it.

It’s also worth mentioning that stocking up on a good lube will be the best thing you ever do. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but in comparison to you, the Sahara desert will look like a rainforest.

mother holding infant

The Love For Your Child Will Be Different Than Any Other Love You’ve Experienced

I thought I’d end this off on a positive note since you may be questioning ever having children at this point. Once you have spawned your little livestock, you will understand just how much of an understatement this quote is. There is absolutely no comparison in this world that will come close to describing the love you will feel for your little creature.

I mean, obviously, it has to be this way or else we wouldn’t ever consider having more kids, ya know? However, I just feel it’s worth mentioning that this is just one of those things in life you must experience for yourself to truly understand how this tiny human will rock your world. Having kids is a million times worth it and I could not imagine life any differently.

There is nothing in this world that comes close to being able to describe motherhood accurately. However, that doesn’t stop people from trying. These truths of motherhood are but a few I happened to hear over the course of my first pregnancy. Due to their utter inability to accurately represent reality, they ended up being completely useless.

Feeling rebellious? Check out these newborn rules that are best left ignored. While you’re at it, hit me up in the comments section with any other useless truths of motherhood that I may have missed.

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4 Comments

  1. So true about the tiredness #GlobalBlogging

  2. I found myself laughing throughout your post!!!! It is so funny how we imagine this romantic time in our lives when we have children, then we sit back and think WHAT THE HELL, and then we cuddle that little being and think, hell yes! #globalblogging

  3. I adopted so missed out on a few of these but the LOVE is amazing! #twinklytuesday

  4. As a (breastfeeding) mum of three I can relate to all of these! I’ve found I care less about them with each baby I’ve had though, if that helps #twinklytuesday

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